no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
