that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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