Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
