Ketchup is God's man juice
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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