I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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