Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
