i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
