I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
