My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
