how can u be prego again
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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