is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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