Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
