She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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