We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
