Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
