How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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