Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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