Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
