just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
