so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
