It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
