I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
