and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
