Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
