My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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