My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
