I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
