she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
