if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
