Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
