don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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