i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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