i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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