this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
