Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
