i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
