Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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