Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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