If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
