So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is my gift to your gina
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
