At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
