the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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