But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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