he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
