Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
