please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
