i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
dude. I can hear the air.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
