I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
