best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We have started to decorate penises.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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