he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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