we made out on top of his cat.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
