yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
