Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
