I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How does one acquire holy water?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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