Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
