Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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