just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
