Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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