I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
