dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
