Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
