Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
