I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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