I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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