I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
