had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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