So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
