so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
