you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
