Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
