Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
