I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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