and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
