i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
