We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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