You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
